When I was somewhere between living like a undiscovered rockstar & attending classes early mornings at university, I spent many nights in MPLS crossing a bridge from Loring Park to the Walker Sculpture Garden. Written across the bridge was a John Ashbery poem that started, AND NOW I CANNOT REMEMBER…
The Loring Bar would close & we’d just venture off till 4 am. I had a few girlfriends who were 30 and they were so liberated. I used to dream of being 30. And the truth is, yes. 30, is pure magic. I am more inspired, more imaginative, much more liberated. I finally rocked basic living skills, and figured out how to make enough to not just live on, but also wear what ever I want. We had to buy our clothes from thrift stores when I was young, and at 30, I decided to never go ‘thrift’ shopping again.
I think I’ve lived several lives, failed several jobs, which for the sake of loyalty, I didn’t have the tenacity to excuse myself from when I was younger, and had a fair amount of “quantum epiphanies”, as one poet at our writer’s night would state, while looking forward to the next collection of lives ahead.
Dolls reminds me of this moment in time. When I fronted a punk band, couldn’t afford organic & the only shoes I owned were a pair of DMs. When I lived & wrote songs at random, stuck in this dream state – all inner monologue; little ability to connect. Now discovery is experienced on another level, and saying no creates room to become more inspired. Much less is on the line, even though I have so much more to lose.
I know that in 10 years I will look back & say, no, 40 is magic. And at 50 I will think, how ridiculous! 50 is magic. Regardless, I am up for the adventure. Thankfully I have written books and journals and stories & plots about how it was, because now, I’m afraid, I cannot remember.
Dolls Released July 2013 • BUY LINKS: